one: captain's confessional

this is not prose. this is not written for your entertainment or for the purpose of increasing your proficiency in literature. this is the truth. this is the strain that i experience and would like to share with you. i'd like to know your answers to these questions that have been sitting in my mind for years.

just how long do you need?

what will become of you and i?

do i exist in your subconscious?

on what side of the line do you land on? are the decisions you make and the emotions you feel binary or complicated?

i want to know what you think. i want to know what you feel. i want to keep something from you that i can hold onto. i want some sort of intelligence on the inner thought processes of your brain. i want to deconstruct and analyze the personality you've developed, that never seemed to mature in my eyes.

i want to be treated like a respected human being.

i don't need your sympathy. i don't want to be thought of in questions. i will not accept being misinformed and carrying on misconstrued conversations where nothing is communicated. nothing pisses me off more than an empty conversation, a connection bridged between two people with no meaningful exchanges. the point of engaging with another person is to connect with them, not to fill a void.

i have a problem with your interactions. i have a belief that you have lost all the substance that i once adored. can we agree that disagreement is part of our natural conversation? can you admit that we don't treat each other with respect? can you realize that some differences can be meaningless when the undertones of casual communication are the crux of our conversations?

i have a theory that although two paths my initially diverge, they must somehow converge at one point or another. that these independent vectors will venture aimlessly for years, eons, before reintroducing themselves to each other. these two particles will reconcile their differences with one another.

i want to know the person that lies beyond your face.

i'd like to know you again.