we were slowly spiraling out into the ocean as our warmth slowly evacuated its way towards each other.
we smiled, but only for the sake of our fleeting feelings.
we sat at the edge of the world with our legs dangling, her sun dress fluttering and hair eroding the side of my face. the scent of coconut and cigarettes flooding my lungs and dilating my veins.
there was always something more, something latent in the space between.
setting sun, soft skin.
i work my fingers through her hair and gently lay my hand across her cheek. i can feel her radiance as it courses through my body and overloads my nerves, dissolving my bones in its electrical wake. she subtly tilts her head towards my hand and closes her eyes while she lets out a small, saccharine smile. she sweetly rubs her cheek into my hand and my thumb explores the lush landscape of her face.
i couldn't imagine another word to describe this moment other than perfect.
it is at this exact moment that i realize that this could be the end of longing. this is the picturesque manifestion of what i could only describe as flawless.
at the opposite end of this epiphany, it crashed with the comedown. nothing could ever surpass this moment with its endless euphoria and limitless lavishness. the boundless beauty that sits in front of me with her endless, evening eyes leaves me in pieces. feelings of guilt and worthlessness wash over me as i try to suppress the suffering that i want to only metastasize within me, and not her.
am i undeserving?
i ceaselessly pray for her not to feel the malignant disintegration that's eating me away.
i lean forward and place a gentle kiss atop her head while her eyes remain closed and pull her head into my chest. i feel her arms wrap around me, her hands exploring the ridges of my shoulders.
"i'm sorry," i strainfully whisper into the mound of her hair.
"i'm sorry, too," she answers.
this is the closest i've ever been to closure in years, and i hope that she feels the same way, too.
realizing that her eyes have been closed this entire time, i do the same.
two souls, too damaged.